Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
