So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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