Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Where is the hickey?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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