I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
