She said her name was "party"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
