I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
