I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
