i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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