I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
