I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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