sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
