his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
