nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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