when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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