He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
