i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize