VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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