I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
