I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize