Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
