When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Screwed.edu
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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