We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
