oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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