I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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