I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
