we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize