Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there was a trapeze. enough said
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
