Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
