Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
