i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
