We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
