i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
