Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
