Kiss
Puke
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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