That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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