best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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