you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why do cheetos always look like penises
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
