would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
