Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
