girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize