I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
4 words: hood of his car
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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