O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
