he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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