he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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