Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
