apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
