How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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