we have officially lost it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
