I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
