This beer is not sobering me up at all
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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