Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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