so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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