My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just cropdusted the office
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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