She said her name was "party"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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