Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
