will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
