hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
