Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
