Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
