why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
