i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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