His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
