OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im six kinds of drunk right now
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
3pm strippers are depressing
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize