so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
