guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
