i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
