We're like a lot better than the average bears
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
