You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
