I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
