i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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