Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
