is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
