You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize