And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
