yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
