Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
