it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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