So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
