after a month anything with tits is on the radar
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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