Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
