It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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