I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
