Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
