i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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