I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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