honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
