Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
