I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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