I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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