last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
