There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
