new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
