too bad you live with your parents still
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
