Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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