no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my being single is dangerous.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize