my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
