Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
