false alarm. still invincible.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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