Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
