We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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