I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
