I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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